When you’re a parent, it’s common to worry about your child as they are growing up. But when they transition to adulthood, you might still awake at night wondering about your child’s career, financial, and relationship choices. So, how to stop worrying about your grown child? Living in fear and anxiety and losing sleep over your adult child’s welfare isn’t good for your health. Your health and well-being are as vital as theirs. Rest assured, implementing the following steps might stop worrying about your grown child.
1. Allow Them to Take Control of Their Lives
Even though it’s almost impossible for parents to completely stop worrying about their grown children, they can learn to loosen their grip. Of course, it takes time, especially if you’re a mom or dad who experiences separation anxiety with your kids.
Once you snap out of it and accept that they have their own lives, you’ll find it easier to allow them to create their pathway. As parents we want to hold the reins for as long as we can out of fear that our children may mess up.
Messing up is a part of the journey and is important for developing valuable life skills.
Besides, trying to control or dictate their story can stunt their mental or emotional maturity. A level of co-dependence can also develop since your child may keep coming back for you to help solve even basic life problems.
2. Give Them Space to Make Mistakes
Letting go of your adult child can be far more difficult than expected. Don’t be hard on yourself. There’s a deep connection to this person you’ve spent all your life molding and preparing for adulthood.
Not to mention the countless sacrifices you made to ensure they evolve into a good and successful person.
You won’t know if your hard work pays off unless you give them space to show you that you did a great job parenting them. I know you’re eager to save them from making mistakes, especially the ones you made as a young adult.
However, they will make many mistakes. You can’t always be there to catch them before they fall.
Allowing them space to experience challenges and find solutions on their own will help them make better decisions in the future. Taking this step encourages them to take accountability for their errors.
By pulling back, you’ll also have more freedom to live your life. Over time, you’ll grow reassured that they can handle their ‘business’.
3. Trust Them to Make the Right Decisions
Your role as a parent changes from protector and caregiver to supporter and adviser once your child becomes an adult.
Do not turn into a parent who micromanages your child. Always wanting to control or dictate their every move is stressful. Not only that, your behavior may irritate your child and push them away.
Adult children feel incompetent if, by your actions, you suggest that they are incapable of making sound decisions. You can avoid making them feel this way and minimize worries by exercising a bit more trust.
Trusting them to do the right thing will empower them and boost their confidence. In addition, your child can develop resilience from facing challenges on their own.
Your role as a parent changes from protector and caregiver to supporter and adviser once your child becomes an adult.
Researchers found a connection between experiencing failure and increased resilience. The more your child overcomes setbacks, the more resilient they get. They’ll eventually develop greater problem-solving skills.
So, the next time you find yourself panicking over your son or daughter, inhale deeply and let it go. Remind yourself that you raised a kid who is capable of toughing it out. They may not do it your way. They will lose some battles. What’s important is learning and growing from their experiences.
4. Try Not to Dwell on Negative Thoughts
Some of us are hardwired to imagine the worse scenarios or expect the worst outcomes. People prone to catastrophizing do that a lot.
Overthinking things and imagining the worst activates the stress region of the brain called the amygdala. Blood pressure and heartbeat increase as a result of a fight-or-flight reaction in the brain to these negative thoughts.
If you’re like this, that’s okay. Life experiences can cause some individuals to be more fearful and anxious, or develop a negative mindset.
It’s possible to change the tendency to think negatively by developing a positive mindset. A mindset shift is an effective way to alleviate worry, panic, stress, and anxiety.
5. Offer Advice And Respect Their Decisions
Your child is an adult. Don’t be surprised if they ask you candidly to stop dictating how they should live their lives.
You may feel hurt or worry that they are pushing you aside. The reality is they don’t want you to fuss over them. They’ve watched you work hard to raise them and want you to take a backseat.
If you feel compelled to provide guidance or give advice, hold off until they ask for it. They’ll feel respected and more willing to open up when faced with setbacks.
Listen empathically, offer advice, and leave it there. Remember, it’s up to your child to take your advice or not. Whatever decision they make, respect it. Avoid getting upset and criticizing them if they mess up. Move on, and don’t dwell on the outcome.
6. Offer Emotional Support
Your role as a parent changes from protector and caregiver to supporter and adviser once your child becomes an adult. These new roles are equally important.
Being emotionally supportive instead of controlling helps empower your child and minimizes the potential to worry that they’ll fail.
When offering advice, it’s important to do so in a loving, respectful, and compassionate way. If you judge and criticize their decisions, the less confident they’ll feel and the more likely they’ll keep messing up. The more issues they have in life, the more distressing life gets for them and you.
As a member of their support system, you must maintain emotional control and not let them see you emotionally distraught. This might cause them to think adulting is tough and scary.
7. Set Healthy Boundaries
Establishing boundaries, both physical and emotional, is a way to express your limits and limit how much your child’s life affects yours. Don’t rush to help.
In some cases, it’s the child’s bad behavior that is the source of emotional distress for parents. Some grown kids feel entitled to your support, financial or otherwise.
Remind them that they’re grown and are required to take care of their own needs. While you are willing to offer support, let them know you’re no longer obligated to do so.
Getting that off your chest can be mentally relieving. Besides, fending for themselves will
8. Talk With Other Parents
Ask other parents how they feel whether they are close friends with grown kids or parents you meet out and about. They may share tips on how to stop worrying about your grown child you haven’t thought about.
Sometimes you think you’re the only one going through a particular parenting problem until you talk to other parents. I’ve found myself blurting out to other parents, “Oh my god, that happens with your kids, too?” Have you experienced the same thing in the past?
You’ll feel as if a huge burden has been lifted off your shoulders after realizing you’re not the only one worried about your adult child.
Final Thoughts on How to Stop Worrying About Your Grown Child
While it’s normal to want things to turn out well for your child, you should balance that with protecting your health. If you let go and trust them to find their way, that alone will help reduce your stress and anxiety levels.
Your child can learn and grow from their mistakes. And don’t be too hard on yourself when they mess up. However, if after all the sacrifices you’ve made, your child is acting up… here’s How to Deal with a Disrespectful Grown Child.
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