If you're in a long-distance military relationship, you'll know the ups and downs of trying to communicate with your partner when they're miles away from you and you're not sure when you'll hear from them.
Do long-distance military relationships work? Unlike other long-distance relationships, dating a military person can bring up many unique challenges. Long-distance military relationships can be exciting, but they're also challenging. Being separated for long periods, accepting your partner could be in danger. Training schedules can be grueling, access to phone or email can be limited, and relocation or deployment always seems to be just around the corner. But distance can lay the groundwork for a solid, lasting relationship. If you're looking for advice for your long-distance military relationship, here are twelve proven ways to make them work
1. Have Quality Communication With Each other
Distance can improve intimacy. One study found that couples in long-distance relationships were more likely to communicate profoundly and share meaningful thoughts and feelings. And good communication is one of the most essential elements of a successful relationship. So try not to dwell on the negatives, and think about what you’ll gain from the distance instead.
2. Stay Hopeful
A recent study found that the four-month mark is the most challenging time during a long-distance relationship, but after eight months, it gets easier. So if you’re experiencing some tension a few months in, know that the rough patch will not likely last.
3. Stay Involved In Each Other’s Life
You might call or text each other ten times daily, but even if your loved one has phone access, nothing beats an old-fashioned love letter. A letter is a memory – a piece of paper you can physically hold in your hand is something to be treasured and saved. It’s something you’ll be able to show your grandchildren one day. It’s hard to say the same for texts.
4. Send Him A Care Package
The best thing you can do in a long-distance military relationship is to send care packages. The distance seems so lesser when deployed soldiers receive cute boxes from their loved ones. It is a cute gesture that can make the bond even more robust.
5. Remember That Nobody’s Perfect
A little misconception in couples that can spoil their relationship is to expect perfection. People idealize their partners and expect them to always act perfectly. But the harsh side is that they don’t get to meet each other daily, so the stress or issues of the other partner can’t be noticed. Expecting perfection from military partners is silly; they already have much going on.
6. Understand Military Challenges
Military relationships aren’t like civilian relationships; the military sometimes creates unique obstacles you must overcome. You might be frustrated, for example, that when you visit, you can’t get on base or shop in the commissary if you’re not yet married since you don’t have a dependent’s ID. Your partner might have to stay in the barracks while you stay in a hotel. And your time together, whether in person, over the phone, or by email, might be more limited.
Understanding that a military relationship has unique and often tricky challenges is essential; you don’t want to place additional stress on a servicemember in boot camp, deployed, or going through exhausting training.
7. Appreciate the Great Parts
It’s also important to remember that a military relationship has its blessings. Military communities are exceptionally supportive. Even if you’re in a long-distance relationship, find a support network. Befriend other significant others, and use social media groups to bond with others going through the same thing.
Also, in long-distance military relationships, you relive the “honeymoon period” repeatedly, with many reunions. You and your partner will see different parts of the country and the world as they move from base to base. And you’ll learn not to sweat the small stuff.
8. Make Homecomings and Visits Special
When your loved one comes home or you visit, treat it like a special occasion. Buy a new outfit; cook a favorite meal; take pictures together; take walks; plan exciting things together. If you’re visiting a base, take the time to be a tourist, and create memories by seeing local attractions in the area.
9. Stay Busy
If you’re at home and your partner is away, stay busy. It will keep you from being lonely or dwelling on what you’re missing. Instead, think about something you’ve always wanted but haven’t had the chance to do. Take tennis, art, music, or creative writing lessons; join a church, a sports team, or a book club; visit family; go to local museums and concerts; write that book you’ve been thinking about for years; start your own home business. Focusing on positive, exciting things at home will put your partner at ease and take the pressure off the relationship and the distance.
10. Don’t Rush Things
If you’re dating, don’t rush into marriage just because of the distance – it’s a pressure many military couples put on themselves. Take the time to truly get to know each other, however long that takes. And recognize that marriage or living together might solve distance problems but will likely create new challenges and adjustments. So savor the dating period. Enjoy the excitement of opening the mailbox to find a new letter. Relish the moments you are together instead of always thinking about the future.
11. Put Love at the Center of Your Relationship
If Love is the cornerstone of your relationship, you can weather the storms. This means having patience when things get tough, or communication is limited. It means having an understanding of when visits get canceled, or dates change. It means taking a deep breath when you want to scream. It means having compassion for the other person’s stresses. It means putting things in perspective.
It means knowing you always have each other, whether you’re two feet or two hundred miles apart.
12. Arrange Meetups
Counting days on the calendar is also a love language. Arrange monthly meetups or unique visits at home. Make that day no less than an occasion; dress beautifully, and talk your heart out with your partner. Clear any issues and misunderstandings. The craving to meet your partner in a long-distance military relationship is unmatchable!
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